“Thus the captain, tempted by the perks of being a penis-king, decided to go along with the charade by allowing himself to be smeared with pig fat, and then showing off some fireworks he happened to have in his boat.”
”Snake from Metal Gear 2 owns everybody. Because he used an owl. To make a guard think it was night time. In the middle of the day. That’s just hardcore”
As atheist as my usual views are, recently God has found me. Today has been a particularly holy day, as it began with smoking some blue cheese and getting ridiculously high. Then I got home, ate some Indian food, ate some chocolates (heaven when you’re high) and then went to my room and proceeded to fix my computer.
The feeling of having my computer back is overwhelmingly good, and so was the news that as soon as next week I’ll be moving into my own place. See, my mother bought a bungalow to do up and sell for a profit a few years ago. Unfortunately it didn’t sell, and there was a few issues with me going on at home, it made perfect sense for me to move out into the bungalow. I’m really looking forward to having my own place.
Aside from all that, I’ll be back writing soon after I get some sleep.
A friend of mine, a very close and intimate friend of mine, died two days ago. His name was Computer, and it came very sudden. Yes, my computer is now utterly fucked. It wont even turn on. I was just about to watch Good Will Hunting, I leave the room for two minutes and BAM! Black screen, fan is noisy as hell. Tried resetting it to no avail.
This sucks for two reasons: Firstly, OH MY FUCKING GOD MY POOR COMPUTER OH GOD WHY, WHY IS THE WORLD SO CRUEL?! Secondly, all my notes and shit were on it, and therefore I can’t write any more stories and posts until my pc is repaired, because, you know, fuck starting again from scratch. Not my fault on this one (usually I’m just lazy)…
Now, since my computer has passed on to the other side, I’ve been playing Fallout: New Vegas (specifically my “evil murdering bastard” playthrough, where I kill everyone I meet). Towards the end, since I had sided with Yes Man, I had the option to make Yes Man throw General Oliver off the Dam. Needless to say it was fucking hilarious.
-“AH, GET AWAY FROM ME YOU TV ON WHEELS!”
-Just look at his face! I <3 Yes Man
>senior in highschool
>be a library assistant
>have access to the main computer
>have a program which controls all the other computers
>use the program to access a empty computer
>get on paint
>start fucking around drawing shit
>start spelling help me on it
>stupid retards flip out
>every one gets up and starts screaming the school is haunted
I’m lazy. I am a lazy fuck. I haven’t written anything of sustenance for quite some time, and so I apologize. I’m aware I haven’t even gotten around to writing more about Christmastime, but for now the very recent past will have to suffice. I have quite a bit to share with you guys this time.
The past week has been weird for me. A lot of interesting things have happened. For example, yesterday I was walking through the town with two friends (after I’d went to the studio to find it closed, and shut till Monday). We were walking and I happened to spot a tall guy wearing a fur coat and a handbag. At this point I was freaking out whilst my friends were perfectly composed. They were like “so what man?” and I was like “IT’S A DUDE WEARING A FUCKING HANDBAG MAN”. We then walked past the guy and saw he was wearing dangling earrings and lipstick.
-Our faces when lipstick
Next, I’ve been giving up smoking. As of now, I haven’t smoked since the 1st of January and I’m doing okay. Sometimes I get the urge for a cigarette but it isn’t as hard as I imagined it to be, although I doubt I’ll stay a non-smoker much longer…
Last night I spent watching Peter Kay’s Phoenix Nights and Shameless, two English TV shows I hadn’t seen in a long time. They’re fucking brilliant and I recommend you check them out if you haven’t seen them. If you want to check out Phoenix Nights, this is a very funny clip: http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=x6EOvYZ93o4
Anyways, I watched that shit and took an antidepressant and went to sleep. The next thing I know I’m vomiting in the bathroom. I felt HORRIBLE. I went back to sleep, still feeling very ill… ”LIAM WAKE UP IT’S 6PM GET A JOB STOP BEING NOCTURNAL THIS IS NOT NORMAL” is the serenade I woke to, unfortunately. At this point I still thought the studio was supposed to be on, and even though my mother knew that it wasn’t open until Monday, she still bitches at me when I’m in a vulnerable state. I’m like “yeah, thanks…”
Lately I’ve been listening to a lot of The Last Shadow Puppets, Alex Turner’s side project with Miles Kane. Their album is pretty awesome. Speaking of albums, I recently remembered a time when I was about 9-10 years old. I was on holiday and I’d taken a liking to lostprophets. Their album ‘Fake Sound of Progress’ had just came out and I really wanted it. We went to the shops to buy it, and uh, well, let’s just say it didn’t go well…
I ran in the shop all enthusiastic, grabbed the CD, ran back out of the shop with the CD, triggering the alarm in the process, and then waved it around in the air at my mother. I can’t really remember what happened after that, though I can only imagine the looks on everyone’s faces, especially as I went on to buy the CD shamelessly instead of doing a runner.
-It was worth it, the album is bitching
As I mentioned in my last post, I’ve been playing Assassin’s Creed: Brotherhood quite a lot lately. It has a surprising amount of depth to it past completion of the main story; I have to say I’m impressed. Anyways, if you’ve played it, you’ll be familiar with the annoying guys with lutes who get in your face all the time. I had had enough of them, and so I beat one up till they were on the floor, proceeded to loot them and then I threw him down a well. Needless to say, he got what he deserved.
Finally, with news I’m getting quite a lot of money for my 18th, and the discovery that my good friend Chelsea can get me into DISNEY WORLD FOR FREE, I decided that Florida would be the perfect destination to travel to this year. I’ve always wanted to go to America and I’ve never been to Disney World in my life, so it’s two birds with one stone. Sweeeeet.
P.S her mother said this: “UGH CHELS I THINK I SCRATCHED MY TIT NIPPLE”
Sorry I’ve not been writing much of late, but I’ve had a few distractions. My sleeping pattern got fucked up again (I, get this, woke up at 8:15pm… yeah…), I got a cold which sucks a thousand penises and I managed to get a hold of Assassin’s Creed: Brotherhood, so naturally I completed that in like one sitting.
Once I’ve shaken this terribad illness I’ll resume writing, once again utmost apologies.